Fast Food Lovin’

As a single woman in my forties, and an eternal optimist, I am sad to say that am losing faith in the possibility of an organic meeting between a man and woman. This is the age of Match.com, Tinder, eHarmony, and OKCupid which serve their purpose well enough, but can somebody please tell me that somewhere people are still meeting on airplanes, and in coffee shops? To be clear, nothing I say in this blog will ever come from a place of judgment. I have done the online thing myself, and it wasn’t a bad experience (although it didn’t work out). But I never felt right about the process. There’s just something about it that had me feeling like a menu item being “winked at” and “poked”. The whole concept is so non-committal and anonymous, right up until that first meeting, and after that, well don’t even get me started. The thing is, the way it begins is often a sign of how it will progress.

Now, I’m sure there are many lasting relationships out there that were kindled through an online service, and I think that is wonderful. In my own case though, I have decided that old school is the way to go, except for one thing. I’m not sure that it still exists. In today’s world, even if we do allow people to get eye contact as we go about our days, we rarely stop long enough to ever make a connection, and often when we do, we run the risk of one party or the other being offended. It’s a slippery slope for sure. — But in an offline situation we have the opportunity to witness how the other person carries themself. We can answer some important questions, for example: Is he showing an appropriate level of interest or is he leering and making me feel like a piece of meat? Maybe we could have a conversation and gauge each other’s personality at least on a surface level. These are important steps. Without them, what we find ourselves attracted to is a profile, not a person.

See, I’m old fashioned, and I have a dream. You may think it’s a ridiculous dream but don’t tell me if you do. It looks like this: I meet a man. He asks me out on a date. If interested HE will initiate a second date (we call that “pursuit”). Since this is my dream we can assume I will accept. After that, we’ll see how it goes. (More pursuit…) I will be transparent and make sure I let him know that he’s on the right track as we take our time getting to know each other, and because we are not playing games, we’ll make ourselves available to one another on a regular basis. He’ll make an effort beyond the “good morning” text and secure my loyalty with consistency, Once he has my loyalty he won’t be disappointed, but he will have had to work for it. I’m not sure that my guy can be properly motivated to come after me if I am just one of 25 other profiles he has “favorited”, because once he’s involved, he’ll find out that he has to learn to love the fact that I sing every song that comes on in the car, and that I am a total nerd, and I love musicals and currently sleep with my dogs. Oh and I hate to empty the dishwasher.  He’ll also have to stick with me as I work through some stuff from my past (we all have it so I’ll have to return the favor I’m sure). My role in this fairy tale is to give clear honest messages, and to be supportive and worth the effort.

It’s a lot, I know, but this is Whole Foods, not In-N-Out Burger. You may have to chop some vegetables or marinate something if you want to sit down to a healthy and delicious meal. If you just want to drive up to the window and have someone hand you a bag that’s fine, but you will get out of it what you put into it. And for those who will say that this is the 21^st century and women are no longer supposed to expect a man to pursue them or initiate contact, I say, there are some things that never should have gone out of style, and I think we need to bring those things back. ((drops mic))

Now, where do I have to go to meet this guy…?